Chronicles of a Serial Dater

Rebecca’s Rules to the Dating Game

While no expert, I’ve read most of the dating handbooks, countless articles and had thousands of dates so have accumulated a little knowledge on the subject.  The reason I started The Chronicles in the first place.  I’m still single, so clearly something’s not working.  That said, on occasion, I’m asked what my approach to the dating game is.  Usually by intrigued married friends or the newly single.  I’m not saying I’m right.

A work in progress based on my experiences - subject to change, expansion and/or deletion - as I continue on my search for Mr Right, here it is so far.  My rules to dating.

Rule 1: Never call a man.  You can return a call very occasionally if it’s absolutely necessary eg to confirm a change of plan but no more – man must be allowed to pursue woman to ensure he feels satisfied and you are not too available

Rule 2: Only go out with a man once a week for the first six weeks – again you must not be too available

Rule 3: Only have sex on the sixth date on the sixth week – there must be chemistry on all levels, mental and emotional as well as physical, and this takes time

Rule 4: Date others, keep casual in your approach, date at least a pair and have at least one spare date too

Rule 5: Provided there is some kind of attraction eg physical or intellectual give him a chance by going on at least three dates

Rule 6: Unless it’s a matter of life or death – literally – if he cancels within 24 hours do not see him again.  (This is of particular note when it’s the first date!)

Rule 7: Trust your instinct and heed your internal voice -  if you think something is not quite right, something is not quite right, if you are asking the question, you already know the answer

Rule 8: ‘Separated’ means married.  Don’t date a married man

Rule 9: Don’t be a filler.  Time with you should be planned in advance and well thought out.  You are hard to get

Rule 10: Apologies don’t come in the form of text or email.  Only accept apologies in person, over the ‘phone or via a note attached to a huge floral display

Rule 11: Liars are always on the defensive.  Be wary of any man who automatically assumes you don’t believe what he is saying or ever uses phrases like ’trust me’

Rule 12: If a man is interested in you he asks you out.  No exceptions.  You didn’t say the wrong thing, you didn’t seem uninterested, you weren’t rude, he isn’t shy or afraid of commitment.  He simply isn’t interested

Rule 13: If he doesn’t ask a question in an email or text there is no need to reply

Rule 14: Re internet dating, let the man make the first approach, and only respond to actual emails.  Winks, being added to his favourites or hotlists or the like don’t count.  If he’s too lazy to compose an email he will be a rubbish boyfriend

Rule 15: Re internet dating, wait a day before responding to emails.  This will make you seem slightly less available and more of a challenge.  Men love a challenge

Rule 16: Re internet dating, only respond to men who refer to something you have mentioned in your profile.  Comments about your photo or user name don’t count.  Don’t respond to obvious cut and paste jobs.  Emails must be specific to you.  He must find something about you – your personality and character - appealing not just your appearance

Rule 17: Re internet dating, don’t be obvious about your requirements eg ‘must have a well paid job’.  Simply do not respond to those who don’t meet such requirements

Rule 18: Re internet dating, don’t reply to emails from those who don’t include a photograph in their profile.  They are married

Rule 19: Re internet dating, don’t continue conversing with a man who doesn’t ask you out or ask for your number by his fourth email to you.  He will either do so on the fifth. whether you responded, or not.  There are men who enjoy ‘virtual’ relationships.  These will never convert into real life ones.

Rule 20: When a man is interested he text or calls within 24 hours of the date – normally on the way home – to thank you

Rule 21: Don’t date a man you feel sorry for.

Rule 22: A good mark of a man is his home.  It tells a lot about his hygiene, style and income.  Only have sex with a man when you have seen his place

Rule 23: If a man wants you on top more than 50% of the time during sex he is selfish.  Don’t date a selfish man

Rule 24: A man is interested if he asks you out on the day or the day after you have first had sex together.  Anything else is a booty call

Rule 25: Re internet dating, do not stop dating others or remove your profile until he suggests it

Rule 26: A man is as good as his word.  If he doesn’t call when he says he is going to he is no good.  Don’t date a no-good man

Rule 27: If you treat men like dogs you can’t go far wrong.  Reward them for good behavour and punish them for bad behaviour

Rule 28: Can you picture yourself having sex with your date?  If not, think twice about seeing him again.  Chemistry is required for successful relationships on all levels.

Rule 29: Avoid dating men who have never been married by the time they are 40.  There is a reason.  They have issues with women and/or commitment.  Divorced men are good prospects as they have been ‘trained’ and seek to replace the long term partner they no longer have.

I rule!