12 August (part 4)
‘Hi, what u up 2 ?’
Sent at 23:31:07. From The Old Man. Who’s feeling sorry for themselves?
Me.
12 August (part 3)
‘Oh no! Which one was it? Check me out ive just been to the gym! Wow im so tired now i need a nap hee hee.x’
‘It is the nice traditional english places on the strand! Goods for you. Go have a nap! I’m bot jealous MUCH! X’
Where I told it was last night.
And still no date in the diary. I’m not worried. MUCH.
12 August (part 2)
‘Hi baby! Did you get back ok? Just had a nice brekkie but went to completely the wrong place! Had to quickly cab it over there!! Lol.X’
Oh good. The ‘call back’. Kind of.
12 August (part 1)
We travel in on the tube together in the morning.
‘See you soon,’ he says as I get off at my stop. Not sure I like this. When’s soon?
11 August
Jewish and I stay in and watch a DVD. He grabs me as I arrive and we have decent sex. Still not hitting the spot.
‘Was I near?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’re going to have to tell me when I’m close… not to move.’
‘Ok.’
I stay. Of course. Lots of spooning, cuddling and kissing throughout the night. He is so loving. I am so loving. I initiate a fair amount. I know I’m supposed to be ‘straightforward’ but it’s this stage I normally come unstuck by seeming to ‘available’ I think. I’m going to pull back a smidgen.
He tells me a friend of his will call me tomorrow about a job at his gym.
‘He won’t call tonight as I told him I’m seeing you but he will call.’
This is good. He is happy to help. And he is not worried about seeing me regularly albeit when he is working out. Good signs, surely?
But I’m slightly anxious too as he has told me of the plans he has for the next three weekends. Clearly he is telling me so I know I won’t get to see him. Is this normal? Am I being paranoid? Is he giving me the brush off?
10 August
Jewish calls. Straight after work. Yay.
I answer with ‘I’m back!’
I’m seeing him tomorrow. Double yay.
8 August
Sean is driving me mad. He means well but still. It’s probably a mix of being in a confined space with him, the class As and his not being Jewish.
With my new straightforward hat on I text Jewish.
‘Baby hows football?x’
‘Its tom babe. How the big chill? X’
‘Oh! I thought it was today. I’m getting into the swing of it today. Fun. Now. This camping malarkey takes some getting used to. Are you up to anything fun?x’
‘Just out at the grand union having a couple of drinks with some mates. I want to hear all about it when u get back. X’
‘There may even be pics.x’
‘I bloody hope so! X’
And relax. So probably not out on a date and he is happy to converse. All’s good. Now, let’s get back to the party.
7 August
Sean is driving us to The Big Chill. On the way I tell him about Jewish. He’s heard it all before but still.
‘This one is quite nice.’
‘Hmm.’
‘I’ve taken myself off most of the sites now. So by this time next week I’ll only…’.
‘Have one boyfriend.’ That wasn’t the end of the sentence I was going to give. But it’ll do.
5 August (part 2)
I meet him at his place. I get butterflies all the way there. A good sign. The last time this happened was with The Greek though so I’d best watch out.
The flat is a little less tidy. Still very clean. Just random coins, paperwork, cards and trainers scattered about. Not the ‘show home’ I was originally privvy to. Hee hee. Jessica is right when she said they tidy up even if there is only a 1% chance you will go back there. As he did on our second date. He must now feel comfortable with me. Or just doesn’t need to impress any more. Ooh.
We go on for dinner. Everything is back on track. We are loving towards each other as if the dumping episode didn’t take place.
I tell him I’m going to The Big Chill festival at the weekend. He’s going to a charity football corporate event but is free on Friday or Sunday and wants to see me. I like him. I’m pretty sure he likes me.
‘I’m not drinking… no caffeine,’ I tell him as we order drinks.
‘Are you still on no carbs.’
‘Yes.’
‘Just in the evening though.’
‘Yes. I’m doing low GI.’
‘What is the benefit?’
I’m not entirely sure. ‘It balances your blood sugar so there are no ups and downs in your energy… no cravings.’
‘Do you binge?’ Where the f*** did that come from?
‘My trainer advocates it. Did you know that watermelon is high GI?’
‘I get that. Full of sugar.’
‘An almond croissant is low.’
‘No way!’
I order the tuna nicoise. He has chicken and chips.
‘That’s why I have a stomach,’ he says. He doesn’t.
‘Did your mum say you’ve lost weight?’ I ask. His mum, apparently, always wants to feed him up.
‘Not this time. It’s either “You need to cut out the fried breakfasts” or “You’ve lost weight”‘.
‘Exactly the same in my family. My mum wants me to put on weight.’
‘Why?’ I just knew it. Men do like thin girls.
I tell him I’m going to the doctor’s tomorrow for tests. I’m convinced I have a terminal illness.
‘Let me know how it goes.’
On the way home we pick up a DVD.
‘I saw The Hangover,’ I tell him.
‘What did you think?’
‘It was brilliant.’
‘I saw Bruno.’
‘Yeah. With me.’
Is he seeing other girls? Or is this just man memory in play?
We watch the DVD in bed. Are we… a couple?
We have lovely sex. I’ve got him all wrong. He’s not selfish at all.
‘You’re wearing me out. Did I get anywhere near your spot?’
‘Yes.’
‘God, I’m so unfit.’
Right! That’s what this has all been about. He has been trying to satisfy me after all and is exasperated. With himself. I think we have even more in common than I originally thought.
He cuddles me all night. He has a lovely body. I feel comfortable and safe.
I’m glad I gave him a chance. Blaming me for being hot in bed, not telling him if he’s nearly hitting the spot. Thinking he is overweight and unfit. He doesn’t think he is up to scratch. With my Cognitive Behavioural Therapist we ascertain my rule is if I am straightforward he will have the upper hand and be able to manipulate me. The alternative is we will both know where we stand. Let’s go for this option.
5 August (part 1)
‘Hi baby! Sorry i havent got round to calling you yet its just i have not stopped at work. You still up for dinner? Can we do clapham though as desperate to get out of these shoes! In pain here! Ha ha. X’
‘Hi baby yes of course. What time shall i meet you?xx’
‘Shall we say 7ish? X’
‘Sure see you then.x’
This rewarding for good behaviour just may be paying off.
About
‘When I grow up I’m going to marry a prince, Granny.’
Fast forward 27 years. I’m a hot, successful, kind and affectionate, officially ‘grown up’ girl-about-town. Still in search of The One. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m in bed. Alone. Tanked up on Valium.
The quest has been active now for the best part of 20 years. I know he’s out there. I just need to find out where and how to find him. Things have got to change.
This is going to be my year. I just know it. So I have decided to document my experiences to amuse more than anything else. In so doing, the creative process may provide some kind of personal enlightenment and help face my demons too. And who knows. The journey may lead me to my prince. And where the chronicles begin.
