14 June (part 6)
‘Resistance is futile. You’ve got yourself a boyfriend,’ Sean says when I tell him the latest over lunch at Sophie’s Steakhouse. I don’t remember signing up for anything?’ he says as if doing an impression of me. ‘It was the same with Jenny,’ he tells me. Jenny is his ex girlfriend. His only girlfriend.
‘You’ve found someone who has cracked the Rebecca text coding… told you exactly what he is thinking.’
‘This is how men should behave,’ I say. ‘I’m seeing a psychologist before I get on the CBT and she says I have lot’s of “should”s but…’.
‘And you’re on there,’ Sean says motioning striking a cross on an imaginary piece of paper with regard to the psychologist and her theories.
I then tell him about the Peter Stringfellow call and the ‘Babe just be yourself,’ comment.
‘It sounds like something I’ve read,’ Sean says.
‘It sounds like my mum,’ I say. ‘My false memories.’
‘Something on Sex And The City.’
Karen arrives.
‘She’s got a boyfriend,’ Sean tells her.
‘Is he coming?’
‘No!’
‘Course he’s not,’ she mocks the end to my sentence in horror.
‘What’s his name?’ she then asks.
I find it difficult to say without laughing. My friends find it amusing that I’m always going out with Indian men. ‘Raj’, I eventually manage.
‘Raj?’
‘The third,’ Sean says.
‘He’s the third Raj you’ve been out with?’ she asks.
‘Yes.’
‘Raj The Third… get him some cowboy boots,’ Sean says.
‘He’s not my boyfriend. I’m not sure… He’s really short.’
‘Is that all?’
‘Yes.’
Ricky and Jo arrive. It’s great to see them. I fill them in too. I feel like a gold digger when I explain why I’m not keen. I think project hot cousin ensnaring is officially off when they say they, unprompted please note, don’t know any single men. Clearly my quest is now ridiculously obvious.
Jo produces Sunday Times Style and an article by that rough lesbian pretender Kate Spicer entitled ‘Forever Single.’
‘Which single girl are you?’ Jo asks rhetorically from the list. ‘The List-Maker. Even if he fulfils that long list of requirements she has for an ideal mate – from body hair to bank balance – she’ll find another detail (the noise he made eating moules) that is, in the end, a deal-breaker.’
I read the box on ‘Commitment Phobia: 10 Telltale signs’. Oh my God. ‘You stay in relationships that are rocky and that offer little in the way of commitment’ and a comment from the author, Elina Furman, of ‘Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky and Indecisive Girl’s Guide to Overcoming Her Fear of Commitment. “Women who have issues with commitment, who struggle and worry that they aren’t in relationships, maybe just don’t want one.’ So it is me after all.
Carla is the last to arrive.
‘Rebecca’s got a boyfriend!’ Sean announces again.
‘I like him but he’s not my boyfriend. He took pictures of us.’ I show her a picture. ‘He’s really photogenic.’
‘Photogenic?’ she says as she looks at the picture.
‘Exactly.’
‘I thought you fancied him?’
‘No. I said he is nice.’
‘Oh. you mean nice.’
‘Yes. He sent me loads of pictures before we met. He thought I was going to be impressed. Then I sent him one of me,’ as if the knock out blow. ‘He’s a cocky geezer. Punching above his weight.’
‘Rebecca!’
He has a lot of girls going after him… I think. At Gatwick TGI Fridays.’
No comments yet.
Leave a Reply
About
‘When I grow up I’m going to marry a prince, Granny.’
Fast forward 27 years. I’m a hot, successful, kind and affectionate, officially ‘grown up’ girl-about-town. Still in search of The One. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m in bed. Alone. Tanked up on Valium.
The quest has been active now for the best part of 20 years. I know he’s out there. I just need to find out where and how to find him. Things have got to change.
This is going to be my year. I just know it. So I have decided to document my experiences to amuse more than anything else. In so doing, the creative process may provide some kind of personal enlightenment and help face my demons too. And who knows. The journey may lead me to my prince. And where the chronicles begin.
